Who needs freedom of choice?

(image)

With some people the boundaries are clear and yet you lose a sense of individuality, like you are not so conscious whether you're man or woman, you forget about your race, your skin color, you know the language you speak is a language the other person understands.

With these people you feel you are on equal plain.

After all he or she is merely human.

In spite of all this, you can hide the truth about yourself.

The boundaries are so clear that you impose no threat or demands on the other.

With some people you can experience total freedom of choice.

With this person, the boundaries are blurred and yet I am totally conscious of myself.

I am so aware that I am woman and he is man.

I know my body and all its parts are capable of responding to him in the most outrageous manner.

That if he were to look into my eyes, they become glaziers, melting into pools of clear, blue waters, so clear he could see a reflection of his nakedness in them.

That if he were to touch me, my skin turns into silk, soft as cotton that you could strand all the pieces and I would cover him like a garment or a frock fit for a prince.

That if we made love, the color of my skin would glare so obviously against his color and yet we would blend into different shades, shades as wondrous as the rainbow, as our bodies merge like the hands of time when it is twelve o'clock.

That if he were to speak to me, I would lose myself in his voice, that his language would sound mysterious to me and I would experience fear.

Fear. Can you imagine?

I do not even fear God. And yet I fear him. Fear what he might think of me, fear that I would lose him, fear that every moment only brings him further from me.

Fear that one day when I wake up I no longer remember his face or his name.

Fear that some day he would need me and I may no longer be there. Fear of the known and the unknown.

Fear as if he were God himself. As if he were a spirit or an angel of death that would deny me my life and take me away from earth.

With this person, there is no chance to hide the truth or the untruth. For both would plead for release from the bottomless pit like doves trapped in a cage.

Like if you held back the waves for a hundred years and finally explode the dam, how the waves would avalanche.

It would be like the sun exploding.

Yes, my truth and untruth will leave me naked, to the microscopic detail of my skin, bones and blood.

That I could hide nothing from him is the ultimate truth, save the actual moment of my death. For only the Gods know when or where.

Friends, if I were mad, please tell me so. For my sanity has taken leave. Perhaps my sanity, my consciousness, my education and my awareness have all staged a revolution and rebelled against their leader.

Like I would stand by my religion even if you violate me, even if you dragged me by the hair or threaten to burn me at the stakes.

I would still venture into uncharted seas with hope, faith and love in my heart. With him there is no freedom of choice.

But who needs this phantom called freedom when you have made your ultimate choice?